There aren’t even two A few months into working here at WIRED, I found myself barfing in the office bathroom.
Technically, it was work-related stress, but it wasn’t what you might imagine. Rather, it was an unfortunate and almost immediate result of my efforts to switch to a diet consisting only of foods, drinks, and supplements marketed as high in protein, thereby meeting the levels of daily protein intake recommended by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services under Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
Pottery’s phone conversation happened about an hour after I sampled Ghost’s Nutter Butter-flavored whey protein powder. My partner Mats uses it as fuel for his workouts and I thought it was an easy shortcut to 26 grams of protein. She had already complained about me having some for press purposes — “It’s expensive!” — but was relieved that she didn’t have to sample any of the other drinks on her list to eat that week. I foolishly took the jar’s suggestion to add a heaping dose of Ghost Powder to 5-6 ounces of water and ended up nearly choking on a glass of peanut butter sludge. (After I vomited, Mads said he only puts a small amount of this foul-smelling powder in his cereal milk). As a newbie to maxing out protein, that was a lesson learned.
I don’t think Kennedy has these problems. Earlier this year, the U.S. Secretary of Health announced a “historic reset” of dietary guidelines for Americans, the first of which was “prioritizing protein.” The ministry claimed that official dietary guidance for the past few years had “demonized protein in favor of carbohydrates”. Social media accounts show Trump’s health secretary visiting a barbecue restaurant in Texas for a “protein-rich” meal, touring a farm in Pennsylvania that produces “protein-rich” dairy products, and appearing at an event with Mike Tyson touting the Trump administration’s efforts to put protein “at the center of America’s diet.”
The food industry responded to President Kennedy’s “Make America Healthy Again” agenda by making a dizzying array of high-protein foods available in chain restaurants and stores. Despite his frequent claims that ultra-processed foods are making Americans sick, protein-rich versions of the same foods exist everywhere, as an apparent compromise.
I’m not the type of person who wears jeans and lifts weights. For exercise, I prefer to run a few miles outdoors most days. Still, I wondered if I was missing out on the purported benefits of maxing out my protein intake. Perhaps if you use all of these trendy protein bowls, bars, and drinks to up your nutritional stats for a week, you’ll start to notice some improvement in your overall quality of life. Indeed, I thought it’s never been easier to fill your grocery cart with products that loudly advertise their protein content. That’s what I did.
manly breakfast
Hoping to increase my protein intake at breakfast while maintaining the level of masculinity that seems to be at the core of MAHA’s ethos, I paid $20 plus $7 shipping for a box of something called Man Cereal. This was clearly the worst food I ingested for this experiment. The Maple Bacon flavor is touted as “sweet, smoky, and sigma,” further confirming that it was created for gym buddies who listen to problematic podcasts, and the bowl contains 2.5 grams of creatine, a compound that supports muscle development. Unfortunately, it’s uncomfortably artificial to the palate, nearly impossible to chew through, and is a perfect exercise for those who believe they can improve their jawline by “squeaking.” When the hard, Styrofoam-like ball finally breaks, the gritty particles coat your teeth and make even the most performative man question his commitment to the act. Oh, and only 16 grams of protein.
Other options were less unpleasant, but similarly lacking in protein. I picked up a box of Protein Boosting Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tarts and a package of Kodiak Cake’s “Protein Packed” French Toast Sticks, which hit the market last fall. Both were delicious, even if the French toast sticks were bland, but when I compared the protein content of a serving (10 grams each) of either of these foods, I noticed it was slightly less few That’s more than your usual Special K and milk breakfast, giving you 13 grams of protein to start your day.
Thus, the current protein fad may be distorting the truth about Americans’ access to protein.
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